welcome to my blog...

I have had a plan to create a personalized Wellness Recovery Action Program (WRAP) to help me manage my disability: Bipolar Disorder. I decided to write down in a binder a Daily Page that outlined the things I did everyday, focusing on some basic information to help me track my recent habits. I am hoping to change these daily/semi-daily blogs so that they will help me form my personalized WRAP. I will also be adding links that I think are significant to Mental Illness and also a separate link list for WRAP interests.

Saturday, June 4, 2011

Freddy in Space: "Dr. Death" Has Left The Building ...

Freddy in Space: "Dr. Death" Has Left The Building ...
In the spirit of how I've been feeling lately I am submitting this post today. Useless and teetering on the edge of depression, buried in my own denial I am digging frantically, mentally to keep myself from being sucked into the maelstrom that is the depression that haunts me. I know somehow that this is not the end of the world although all of my crisis instincts are klaxoning out that it is. If I can just get through this moment, this minute, this hour, this day I will evolve into the next plane of reference. My patience will reward me with a moment of peace and I will not fear the teetering of fate. Bad luck, desperation and soul crushing loss will be averted. I am on a space journey but I don't know if it is into Hell or away. Save me from myself, save others from me. I am the virus of spirit. I will suck the good things from you and replace it all with squandered dreams.
Yea tho' I wander through the valley of lost souls I will know no evil, for they that are unaware of the evil they do will not be responsible for their residue. Unless someone judges them from another plane. For I am lost.

Friday, June 3, 2011

In My Head It Is Dark and Windy...


FRIDAY, JUNE 3, 2011
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6KkbMWeWyhc&NR=1

Mood - I felt groggy when I woke up. I woke up around 11:45 am. I couldn't tell if I had a migraine I've been waking up. I took nothing today. 
Physical - I went to bed last night at 4:00 am. I have had small headaches all day. 
Woke up -  I woke up at 11:45 am. I plan on getting up at 9:00 am.
Activities - I posted some URLs for WRAP. Today I wrote a Daily page and posted one blog page. Once I got up I ate the leftover pasta and some chicken cacciatore. Mom and I drove to Citizen's and I paid her rent. I dropped off the check for Anchor Storage and we looked in the storage area for Mom's summer clothing with no luck. We stopped by "The Inside Scoop" and got an ice cream. We drove to Home Depot and Mom got some potting soil and a couple of plants. Afterwards we stopped by the Farmer's Daughter looking for Brussels Sprouts but only got 2 herbs, sage and something else. We went home and I got on line. Around 5:30 pm we went to The Lighthouse Inn Diner and had dinner (I had the 4 piece chicken dinner with mashed potatoes, green beans almondine and cranberry jelly). dad went with us to Staples and I got some ink for my printer. 
WRAP - Wrote the blog for today. I also wrote today's Daily Page. 

Plans for Tomorrow I plan on getting up. I plan on accomplishing an activity for the WRAP book. We might drop some books off at the Book Swap on 44 Starfish Drive.  I want to change a bad habit so that I 1) Stop doing something bad 2) exchange the bad action with a positive action 3) and get a result that will help me in my life.

A reminder: On the 16th RIBS Group is planning on meeting at 6:00 pm in the Warwick Library Room 100. I am suppose to co-chair it with Donna. CALL DONNA.

Federally Subsidized Foods...


THURSDAY, JUNE 2, 2011


Mood - I was feeling dopey when I woke up. I woke up at 11:45 am. I didn't feel great and took 2 excedrin migraine because I felt so woozy. I also took an allergy pill. After Mom and I checked on the ospreys in Matunuck I started to have some pain in my right eye socket. 

Physical - I went to bed at 3:45 am. 

Woke up -  I woke up at 11:45 am. I plan on getting up at 9:00 am.

Activities - Today Mom and I went to the senior center for the federally subsidized foods. Mom applied because even though she and Dad make a good amount, they get Social Security which allows them to get the foods. We first went to Indian Run Road and checked on the ospreys. We stopped by Matunuck to check on the ospreys near the DEM wet lab there. After going to the Senior Center next to the YMCA we stopped by the UPs Store. I wanted to pick up my copy order to see how it turned out. They are very nice over there and the man at the counter gave me his card when I told him there was a job that the online submit program wouldn't let me upload. I had planned on getting the Black Dog Institute toolbox printed out but couldn't. We came back  home forgetting Dad's milk. 
Mom made chicken cacciatore for dinner with green beans, linguini and a salad. We went to see the 4th Pirates of the Caribbean. I couldn't pay understand what the characters were saying in many parts. My concentration is out the door. 
Kevin drove me to the post office and I checked my box there was "The Butterfly Effect". I ordered 3 tickets to Southwick Zoo for James' birthday present. I came home and finished today's Blog.
WRAP - Wrote the blog for today. I plan on writing today's Daily Page before I go to sleep. I picked up and punched holes in 3 work sheets I ordered online at UPs yesterday (RelapseSignatureLearningfromExperience.pdf, PrioritiesIdentifyingYourPrioritiesSheet.pdf and PatientTreatmentChart.pdf). I also found a helpful Blog that I thought would have some good information on BP. 

Bipolar Awareness ~ Stop the Stigma A hub to find places to educate yourself about Bipolar Disorder and find support including current news, events and information related to the ENTIRE spectrum of mental illness, its challenges and rewards.

http://stopthestigma.wordpress.com/


Healthguru website:

Bipolar Disorder Types

Bipolar disorder varies in terms of pattern and severity. Learn about the characteristics of each type as we review bipolar I, bipolar II, rapid cycling, and mixed bipolar or cyclothymia. (This is a video about the different types of Bipolar disorder.)


http://mental.healthguru.com/topic/bipolar-disorder/bipolar-disorder-types

Plans for Tomorrow I plan on getting up. I plan on an activity for the WRAP book. I am planning on calling Erika about whether or not we're going to Boston. I plan on giving Anchor Storage their check and paying Mom her rent. Don't forget to give her the receipt. 
I would like to write up a "project page" addressing a need for change. I want to change a bad habit so that I 1) Stop doing something bad 2) exchange the bad action with a positive action 3) and get a result that will help me in my life.

A reminder: On the 16th RIBS Group is planning on meeting at 6:00 pm in the Warwick Library Room 100. I am suppose to co-chair it with Donna. CALL DONNA.

Thursday, June 2, 2011

First Day of Next Month...


WEDNESDAY, JUNE 1, 2011


Mood - I was feeling dopey when I woke up. I woke up at 9:00 am when I heard loud thunder outside. I didn't feel great and took 2 excedrin migraine in case a migraine happened. I also took an allergy pill. After going out to Crazy Burger with Caryl and coming home in the rain and lightening I started to feel very anxious. I feel like bad things are going to happen and I can see them. This meeting with RIBS Group feels very wrong and I'm not sure if it's an instinct or a symptom of depression coming on.

Physical - I went to bed at 4:00 am. I am feeling weird in my abdomen.  If I twist to fast or in a weird way my belly inside feels twisted and sore.
Woke up -  I woke up at 9:00 am. I plan on getting up at 9:00 am.
Activities - Last night I found a website called "Black Dog Institute" located in Australia. I was looking for mood charts for my WRAP Workbook. I found many some charts there and also many activity sheets that would work well in my WW. Today I am writing a Daily page for yesterday and am posting today's incomplete blog page. I closed many windows in the house anticipating rain because of the thunder. Rain never came. 
I went to the post office and checked my box there was only a circular in there. I drove over to the Peacedale Library and photocopied 25 Daily Page sheets for the next month. I dropped by Citizen's and picked up $20.00. I went to the Wakefield Pharmacy and bought Dad a back-scratcher/shoehorn for Father's Day. Caryl and I went for a 1 mile walk on the Bike Path. We then went to Crazy Burgers for a Goofy Gorgonzola and Crazy Cajun burger, calamari, sweet potato fries, and mexican fried ice cream. When we left Crazy Burger there was a large thunderstorm pelting raindrops down and lightening. We drove to the light house in Point Judith to see the lightening strike the water. Hail came down and the storm didn't last for more than an hour. I came home and wrote yesterday and today's Daily Pages as well as finished today's Blog.
WRAP - Wrote the blog for today. I also wrote today and yesterday's Daily Page. I ordered 3 work sheets online at UPs for tomorrow (RelapseSignatureLearningfromExperience.pdf, PrioritiesIdentifyingYourPrioritiesSheet.pdf and PatientTreatmentChart.pdf). I also found some helpful URLs that I thought would help me in writing my WRAP. 

The Center for Quality Assessment and Improvement in Mental Health (CQAIMH) conducts mental health services research and provides quality management services to improve community-based care for individuals with mental health and addictions disorders. Consisting of faculty and staff from the Institute for Clinical Research & Health Policy Studies at Tufts-New England Medical Center, Tufts University School of Medicine and Harvard University, CQAIMH develops methods of quality assessment, studies organizational determinants of quality, and tests strategies for quality improvement.

Welcome to Bipolar Lives. Here you can take a bipolar test, learn about bipolar symptoms, AND read story after story about people who have Bipolar Disorder. This is a link to the Bipolar Toolkit.


The Black Dog Institute is a not-for-profit, educational, research, clinical and community-oriented facility offering specialist expertise in depression and bipolar disorder.
People are welcome to download copies of these resources retaining the acknowledgement of the Black Dog Institute as the source.

I posted this article in my blog today:



by Living with bipolar on Wednesday, June 1, 2011 at 10:13am:

Plans for Tomorrow I plan on getting up. I plan on an activity for the WRAP book. I am planning on picking up food at the senior center at 1:00 pm and giving them the income sheet back. I also plan on picking up the order from UPs at 12:00 pm.  
I would like to write up a "project page" addressing a need for change. I want to change a bad habit so that I 1) Stop doing something bad 2) exchange the bad action with a positive action 3) and get a result that will help me in my life.

A reminder: I need to write out a check for Anchor Storage. On the 16th RIBS Group is planning on meeting at 6:00 pm in the Warwick Library Room 100. I am suppose to co-chair it with Donna.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Bipolar Disorder: Helping Your Loved One Manage Their Condition


Helping your loved ones manage their Condition

by Living with bipolar on Wednesday, June 1, 2011 at 10:13am
This is some information that I have found helpful for my family and friends, even if it helps only 1 more person making this page will be worth it.


Bipolar disorder: Helping your loved one manage their condition
There are a few basic things you may be able to do to help your loved one manage bipolar disorder.
  • It's important for your loved one to keep scheduled medical appointments. This is true during episodes of illness and even when your loved one isn't having symptoms. Offer to accompany your loved one to medical appointments to get information firsthand from the doctor
  • Do what you can to help your loved one see the need for medication, if it has been prescribed
  • If your loved one stops taking a prescribed medicine—or is thinking about stopping—the doctor needs to know about this as soon as possible. Symptoms that come back can sometimes indicate a chronic disease course
Bipolar disorder is treatable and manageable
While bipolar disorder is a lifelong condition, and there is no cure, many people can learn to manage their symptoms, usually through a combination of medication and therapy. To get the appropriate plan for you, discuss with your doctor your symptoms and your goals for treatment.
A variety of medications are used in the treatment of bipolar disorder. Once your doctor has developed a treatment plan for you, it's important to follow it carefully. Your doctor will depend on you to let him or her know exactly how you are feeling, so your treatment can be adjusted, if needed. It may help you to keep a chart or diary to track your moods and your progress. If you need information about your treatment, be sure to ask your doctor.
Another part of your treatment plan may include psychotherapy, also known as talk therapy. The exact type of talk therapy used as part of a treatment plan for bipolar disorder can vary from one person to another based on a person's needs. Talk therapy can also be used to treat depression.
As part of our series on how family members can help people with bipolar disorder, we offer Nancham's words: examples of what to do -- and what not to do -- to show love and support.
  • Do not treat me as though I no longer have a brain. Do not hover.
  • Trust me to make my own decisions, including those that affect my treatment and the course of my illness.
  • Make me take responsibility for my illness and my actions, but love me regardless.
  • Understand that you will never really understand what is going on in my mind, because I rarely understand it myself.
  • Know that when I say "There's nothing you can do to help," it probably means it's the time when I need you the most.
  • Believe that I am capable of doing everything that I say I can - except fly without a plane.
  • Accept when I say I can't, even if I could the day before.
  • Respect my boundaries. If I say I am bothered by having people stand behind me, take my word for it. Don't test me.
  • Educate yourself about bipolar in general terms and specifically about my subgroup. Ask questions. Be open to learning. I'll guide you through it, but that can only happen if you're there and open to learning. Educate others - but not at my expense.
  • Do not challenge my diagnosis, just because I don't act like somebody's great-aunt who had bipolar. Everybody's symptoms are their own.
  • I will joke about my disorder. I will make wisecracks about being Froot Loops or taking vacations at the mental hospital. Please don't do so yourself. This is my right, my defense mechanism, that I will allow you to share in time, but only you. Do not joke about it to your friends.
  • Know that this isn't your fault. This isn't my fault either. I didn't ask for this and can't just will it away with happy thoughts. Be there anyway.
  • Finally and most importantly, always remember that I love you. Please love me, for that's the only way we will get through this together. Alone is so much harder.
--by Nancham, About.com Bipolar forum member

Tips for coping with bipolar disorder in the family
  • Accept your loved one’s limits – People with bipolar disorder can’t control their moods. They can’t just snap out of a depression or get a hold of themselves during a manic episode. Neither depression nor mania can be overcome through self-control, willpower, or reasoning. Telling a person to “Stop acting crazy” or “Look on the bright side” won’t help.  
  • Accept your own limits. You can’t rescue a person with bipolar disorder, nor can you force someone to take responsibility for getting better. You can offer support, but ultimately, recovery is in the hands of the person with the illness.
  • Reduce stress – Stress makes bipolar disorder worse, so try to find ways to reduce stress in your family member’s life. Ask how you can help and volunteer to take over some of the person’s responsibilities if needed. Establishing and enforcing a daily routine— with regular times for getting up, having meals, and going to bed—can also reduce family stress.
  • Communicate – Open and honest communication is essential to coping with bipolar disorder in the family. Share your concerns in a loving way, ask the person how he or she is feeling, and make an effort to truly listen—even if you disagree with your loved one or don’t relate to what’s being said.
Things that might help:
  • Bipolar disorder is a real illness, like diabetes. It requires medical treatment.
  • You’re not to blame for bipolar disorder. You didn’t cause it. It’s not your fault.
  • You can feel better. There are many treatments that can help.
  • When bipolar disorder isn’t treated, it usually gets worse.
Encourage the person to take bipolar disorder medication
Medication is the cornerstone of treatment for bipolar disorder, and most people need it to regulate their moods and avoid relapse. Despite the need for medication, many people with bipolar disorder stop taking it. Some quit because they’re feeling better, others because of side effects, and still others because they enjoy the symptoms of mania. People who don’t think they have a problem are particularly likely to stop taking medication.
You can help a person with bipolar disorder stay on track by emphasizing the importance of medication and making sure all prescriptions are being taken as directed. Also encourage the person to speak to the doctor about any bothersome side effects. Side effects can be very unpleasant if the dose of the medication is too low or too high, but a change in medication or dosage may solve the problem. Remind the person that abruptly stopping medication is dangerous.
Symptoms & Types
Share this:
Bipolar is a complex illness. There are many different symptoms -- and several different types -- of bipolar disorder. The primary symptoms of the disorder are dramatic and unpredictable mood swings. The various types of bipolar disorder range from mild to severe.

Symptoms
Bipolar Symptoms
The primary symptoms of bipolar disorder are dramatic and unpredictable mood swings.
Mania Symptoms
Mania symptoms may include excessive happiness, excitement, irritability, restlessness, increased energy, less need for sleep, racing thoughts, high sex drive, and a tendency to make grand and unattainable plans.
Depression Symptoms
Depression symptoms may include sadness, anxiety, irritability, loss of energy, uncontrollable crying, change in appetite causing weight loss or gain, increased need for sleep, difficulty making decisions, and thoughts of death or suicide.

Types
Bipolar Types
There are several types of bipolar disorder; all involve episodes of depression and mania to a degree. They include bipolar I, bipolar II, cyclothymic disorder, mixed bipolar, and rapid-cycling bipolar disorder.
Bipolar I
A person affected by bipolar I disorder has had at least one manic episode in his or her life. A manic episode is a period of abnormally elevated mood, accompanied by abnormal behavior that disrupts life.
Bipolar II
Bipolar II is similar to bipolar I disorder, with moods cycling between high and low over time. However, in bipolar II disorder, the "up" moods never reach full-on mania.
Rapid Cycling
In rapid cycling, a person with bipolar disorder experiences four or more episodes of mania or depression in one year. About 10% to 20% of people with bipolar disorder have rapid cycling.
Mixed Bipolar
In most forms of bipolar disorder, moods alternate between elevated and depressed over time. But with mixed bipolar disorder, a person experiences both mania and depression simultaneously or in rapid sequence.
Cyclothymia
Cyclothymia (cyclothymic disorder) is a relatively mild mood disorder. People with cyclothymic disorder have milder symptoms than in full-blown bipolar disorder.

An Email to a Close Friend...

I have been symptomatic lately and haven't felt good enough to call. This past week with my Father stressed me out so very much. My response to the stress and preparing for the unknown with my Father was actually positive and a learning experience for me.
I assume you know that I can be very negative. It is one of my characteristics that people don't like to discuss with me. I assume it's because people are afraid of negativity or avoid it because they don't like it. I am also sure that many people I know downplay some of my symptoms because those symptoms make them uncomfortable. It's not helpful to me because I can not correct myself if people refuse to communicate with me about the things that I do that are not advantageous in my relationships with other people.
I also can not help other people to deal with me if they won't help me to deal with myself. It's a vicious circle that rarely gets broken unless someone has the courage to approach me or trusts that I am trying to break the cycle when I ask questions about myself.
Anyway I search to find out how to deal with the negative aspects of my illness, personality and past through working on this WRAP book that I've been telling you about.
Today I celebrate a month's worth of Blogs and hand written Daily Pages that are a start to my realization that I can manage my mind and find a way to recognize and maybe even preempt the symptoms that tend to catch me up in life. Caryl and I are going to take an hour walk and then go to Crazy Burger for a late dinner.
I am mixing positive rewards, setting an ideal of what I want to become, self actualization and goal setting to encourage myself to stay with this program.
Anyway, I hope you had a nice visit to RI when you came. I survived last week by asking for help from my family and demanding my Mother take this past week seriously. I do not want to have to go into a mental hospital again because I am not taking care of myself. Realistically I can not rely on anyone but myself to know how to help me deal with my illness.

After Memorial Day Cookout Hangover...



TUESDAY, MAY 31, 2011


Mood - Woke up tired and groggy and in a stupor. I woke up at maybe around 12:00 pm. 
My head felt stuffed and weird again. I took an allergy pill after driving Mom to the eye doctor's.  
Physical - I went to bed at 5:00 am also "last night".  
Woke up -  I woke up at 11:15 am officially. I really need to get up very early like 9 am.
Activities - Last night I did nothing for WRAP and nothing on a workbook page. Today I did do a Daily page and one blog page. I took Mom to her eye doctor's appointment. She will be having her cataract taken out August 16th. I called Erika to tell her I was busy and couldn't come over. I mailed out the Netflix movie "Sonny" and bought 3 pairs of sunglasses. 
WRAP - Wrote the blog for today. I also wrote today's Daily Page. I went online to the  Network of Care Website for Rhode Island and checked my "folder" which looks to be empty. The Network of Care website has a presentation that Mary Ellen Copeland personally recorded about WRAP: The WRAP for NOC Homepage that includes her personal story (WRAP for Network of Care)

The Institute for Recovery and Community Integration has some resources for people who want to recover including training to become A WRAP Facilitator, training for Certified Peer Specialist and other things like a bulletin board for CPSs THIS WEBSITE HAS NOT BEEN UPDATED SINCE 2009!
I also added The Institute for Recovery and Community Integration's WRAP Coordinator Eric Larson's Weblog.
Here is a presentation on Creating Intentional Peer Supports that I can watch and interact with as an activity for the WRAP Workbook: 

Plans for Tomorrow I plan on getting up. I plan on copying some Daily Pages for the WRAP book. I asked Caryl if he would go to Crazy Burger with me to celebrate my month of sticking to writing the Daily Pages and Blog pages. So I will meet him at Carquest and we will walk for an hour and then go to Crazy Burger. I need to plan out my bills and pre-write the checks for Anchor Storage. I also need to pre-write the receipt for the rent check. 
 I also plan on writing up a simple "project page" addressing my want to change my eating habits. Slowly but surely I want to change my eating habits so that I 1) stop eating after 9:00 pm 2) stop eating at fast food places 3) stop eating so unhealthily 4) train myself to eat less.

A reminder: Friday Erika and I are planning to go to Boston to see the Edward Gorey exhibit (it's last day,) and something at the Contemporary Museum of Art. ALSO: plan on celebrating when you complete the May 1st post. That will be a whole month of Daily Pages and Blogs!!
An idea that I think would be supportive is that I think I should occasionally watch Mary Ellen Copeland's presentation for The Network of Care website
whenever I am completing specific WRAP section. 


Some Other Links That May Help:

recovery_values.gif
Introducing and advancing the principles of mental health recovery and peer support
The Institute for Recovery and Community Integration works to introduce and advance communities' understanding of recovery and community integration as the catalyst for transforming individual lives, communities, and all levels of behavioral health systems in a culturally competent manner.  We do this through:

  • Workshops on recovery
  • On-site Recovery Education Groups
  • Wellness Recovery Action Plan (WRAP) Groups
  • Training WRAP Facilitators
  • Operating a Peer Specialist Certificate Program and Online Forum for peer specialists
  • Providing technical assistance to agencies, service providers, and municipalities.

http://www.mhrecovery.org/

Magellan Resiliency and Recovery E-Learning Center
http://www.magellanhealth.com/training/
Magellan has partnered with national behavioral health experts to offer a variety of informational and educational e-courses and webinars for providers (such as social workers, counselors, certified drug and alcohol counselors, and psychologists); consumers of mental health services; family members and other interested parties. All e-courses and webinars are available free of charge.

I found another interesting link on The Mental Health Association of Rhode Island's website: 
How to Find Mental Health Care When Money Is Tight