I saw a "friend" from High School today at a Ladies Dinner at the church. I don't consider anyone from my high school days to truly have been real friends to me. To be friends you must be strong at be able to admit your weaknesses to the person you're calling your friend because you trust them that much. You have to respect the person and not be afraid that they will stab you in the back. High School (as was elementary school and Junior High,) was a horrible, fearful, disgusting and degrading experience that taught me to hate humans. I never actively sought people from that part of my past in fact I avoid those people who I basically grew up with.
I don't know if she felt intimidated by me or if she just naturally talks and talks without really considering the other person's conversation acumen but I had a hard time getting a word in edgewise. It didn't really bother me too much since I feel in conversations that people think I'm either an idiot or I blurt out stupid things to say. I'd rather not talk, I usually have nothing unique or pithy to say. So she carried our conversation quite well updating me on the fates of certain people from school who either had horrible endings, serious misfortunes or even great luck. It was like listening to an alien show or "Survivor". I knew the names or they rang a bell but I couldn't place the name with the individual that I avoided in school. I tried very hard to be admiring because I didn't know what else to do. I also would like to try to be normal now that my life is more stable than it has ever been. Reconciling with my past seems to be a possible goal that I might e able to accomplish albeit slowly and carefully.
It's been a rather nice day today (technically yesterday,) what with going to East Farm's Spring Festival and getting if not used to than maybe close to acclimated to getting up early to take the guys to work. Tomorrow is Mother's Day and I hope to get up early and make Mom a breakfast in bed and a card for E. We'll see.
I don't know if she felt intimidated by me or if she just naturally talks and talks without really considering the other person's conversation acumen but I had a hard time getting a word in edgewise. It didn't really bother me too much since I feel in conversations that people think I'm either an idiot or I blurt out stupid things to say. I'd rather not talk, I usually have nothing unique or pithy to say. So she carried our conversation quite well updating me on the fates of certain people from school who either had horrible endings, serious misfortunes or even great luck. It was like listening to an alien show or "Survivor". I knew the names or they rang a bell but I couldn't place the name with the individual that I avoided in school. I tried very hard to be admiring because I didn't know what else to do. I also would like to try to be normal now that my life is more stable than it has ever been. Reconciling with my past seems to be a possible goal that I might e able to accomplish albeit slowly and carefully.
It's been a rather nice day today (technically yesterday,) what with going to East Farm's Spring Festival and getting if not used to than maybe close to acclimated to getting up early to take the guys to work. Tomorrow is Mother's Day and I hope to get up early and make Mom a breakfast in bed and a card for E. We'll see.
