Teaching K to give Paul respect. I know that K loves Paul but his history to annoy the living sh!t out of family members and animals is almost legend. Paul sees him and lays his ears back. His eyes become huge and disturbed. I used to laugh when K would tease him and make him angry. More and more I saw that Paul was beginning to hate and fear K. K was bullying him.
K is actually a very loving person. He can be so very sweet and he understands when something hurts. In fact he's very sensitive to pain and when he was little he'd try to comfort me when my anxiety attacks became unbearable. Sometimes when dealing with G/A I would actually feel like life was spiraling down on me and a huge vacuum was sucking at my guts. I felt like I was being literally pulled into H3ll and that my soul was being drawn into a dark and dank place. I would clutch C's hand and ask him if everything was okay, "Everything is okay. Everything is going to be okay, right?" over and over again. I think I would scream that I was going to H3ll and plead for him not to leave me or I would be damned. It is making my eyes water up so I am going to stop thinking about it.
K didn't know how to deal with it. He would crawl into bed beside me and ask if I was okay. He was seriously concerned. I freaked him out. To this day we can create a fearsome anxiety black hole between us. It isn't pretty and I've realized in order for me to help myself and him I need to stop when I am angry, turn to him and say: "I am really mad right now. I need to talk to you about this at another time. I am not going to make sense soon so let's stop talking." Before I wind into a screaming fit and say horrid angry mean things. There is something there that makes me react very strongly to him. And he just takes it. So I have made it a point to a) stop before the meanness starts and becomes harmful, b) give him the opportunity to be mad at me by telling him that he has the right to his feelings and c) asking him politely if we can talk about the problem when I have some time to think it over and can express myself in a more polite and respectful way.
Dealing with Paul has been an exercise in letting K know that he too can be a better person. He too can control when his emotions and treatment get out of hand. He too has his own power and can use it to create fear in something, someone he loves or use it and control it so he can make a better relationship. He can make a difference to Paul and he can make it so that Paul is not afraid of him. Even that Paul may seek him out.
Although Paul may only be a cat, animals have feelings too. And when we don't abuse those feelings we can exercise our benevolent will to exist peacefully with other creatures. That sounds all dirty hippy but it reduces abuse, neglect and angry feelings. These are the things that I can do to make a different life and create a different world. I love K and Paul. I want them to be happy. This house has seen so much neglect, abuse, anger and unhappiness we need to shape it into another place. I need to exorcise the demons out of this place. I need a safe haven. It's got to start somewhere.
K is actually a very loving person. He can be so very sweet and he understands when something hurts. In fact he's very sensitive to pain and when he was little he'd try to comfort me when my anxiety attacks became unbearable. Sometimes when dealing with G/A I would actually feel like life was spiraling down on me and a huge vacuum was sucking at my guts. I felt like I was being literally pulled into H3ll and that my soul was being drawn into a dark and dank place. I would clutch C's hand and ask him if everything was okay, "Everything is okay. Everything is going to be okay, right?" over and over again. I think I would scream that I was going to H3ll and plead for him not to leave me or I would be damned. It is making my eyes water up so I am going to stop thinking about it.
K didn't know how to deal with it. He would crawl into bed beside me and ask if I was okay. He was seriously concerned. I freaked him out. To this day we can create a fearsome anxiety black hole between us. It isn't pretty and I've realized in order for me to help myself and him I need to stop when I am angry, turn to him and say: "I am really mad right now. I need to talk to you about this at another time. I am not going to make sense soon so let's stop talking." Before I wind into a screaming fit and say horrid angry mean things. There is something there that makes me react very strongly to him. And he just takes it. So I have made it a point to a) stop before the meanness starts and becomes harmful, b) give him the opportunity to be mad at me by telling him that he has the right to his feelings and c) asking him politely if we can talk about the problem when I have some time to think it over and can express myself in a more polite and respectful way.
Dealing with Paul has been an exercise in letting K know that he too can be a better person. He too can control when his emotions and treatment get out of hand. He too has his own power and can use it to create fear in something, someone he loves or use it and control it so he can make a better relationship. He can make a difference to Paul and he can make it so that Paul is not afraid of him. Even that Paul may seek him out.
Although Paul may only be a cat, animals have feelings too. And when we don't abuse those feelings we can exercise our benevolent will to exist peacefully with other creatures. That sounds all dirty hippy but it reduces abuse, neglect and angry feelings. These are the things that I can do to make a different life and create a different world. I love K and Paul. I want them to be happy. This house has seen so much neglect, abuse, anger and unhappiness we need to shape it into another place. I need to exorcise the demons out of this place. I need a safe haven. It's got to start somewhere.
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