So it's been since May. I don't find this interesting anymore you say? Not really. I thinks things have just gotten worse and I can't save myself again.
Dad is not in a nursing home. I am not living in reality. I'm living in that purgatory between life and wishing I was dealing with life. I get pushed over the line. One toke over the line sweet jesus.
I got lost can you forgive me? Please do because LOOOOOOORDDDDDD knows I won't forgive myself. I just don't know how.
So I'm going to post this.
I'm not doing the WRAP anymore. I am doing a short fun version of journaling that has prewritten sheets of questions and fun little would you want this or that circle lists. I thought it was charming and would capture the teenage-hood I never had. Well it never does. Like with all charms they don't last long. So now I am dirty and lost and floating through the pablum of a life uninspired. I try to grip things that catch my eye. People and ideas and wants and wishes and needs and dreams but nothing secures me down to get any motivation to grow and ignore the chaos and fight on. I do dribs and drabs of healing things. Don't ask me what. I know I do heal a little at a time. I seem to be able to grab some inner peace for a short while and not feel the wicked swirling sucking of anxiety and panic attacks.
I've done a little non experiment. I don't feel very comfortable with it so I think it may not work no matter what it actually can do without massive stress behind others prejudices of it. We'll see. Will I be strong and reveal it to CR? Who knows. I am off the lithium again. I don't have the balls to call. I am frightened again. I am in a bind in my mind. So my sleeping habits are waaaay bad than before. I wake up at 1 pm or 3 pm then sleep around 7 pm then wake up at 11 pm then go to bed at 6am then start the cycle again. You know what you can suck it. You're no help.
Dad is not in a nursing home. I am not living in reality. I'm living in that purgatory between life and wishing I was dealing with life. I get pushed over the line. One toke over the line sweet jesus.
I got lost can you forgive me? Please do because LOOOOOOORDDDDDD knows I won't forgive myself. I just don't know how.
So I'm going to post this.
I'm not doing the WRAP anymore. I am doing a short fun version of journaling that has prewritten sheets of questions and fun little would you want this or that circle lists. I thought it was charming and would capture the teenage-hood I never had. Well it never does. Like with all charms they don't last long. So now I am dirty and lost and floating through the pablum of a life uninspired. I try to grip things that catch my eye. People and ideas and wants and wishes and needs and dreams but nothing secures me down to get any motivation to grow and ignore the chaos and fight on. I do dribs and drabs of healing things. Don't ask me what. I know I do heal a little at a time. I seem to be able to grab some inner peace for a short while and not feel the wicked swirling sucking of anxiety and panic attacks.
I've done a little non experiment. I don't feel very comfortable with it so I think it may not work no matter what it actually can do without massive stress behind others prejudices of it. We'll see. Will I be strong and reveal it to CR? Who knows. I am off the lithium again. I don't have the balls to call. I am frightened again. I am in a bind in my mind. So my sleeping habits are waaaay bad than before. I wake up at 1 pm or 3 pm then sleep around 7 pm then wake up at 11 pm then go to bed at 6am then start the cycle again. You know what you can suck it. You're no help.
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