It's bad today I feel out of hand. It sounds like a good idea to die. I am suspect. I am pathetic. I am spinning out of control. My head is screaming as I try to restrain myself from gibbering and babble to any one ANYONE who will listen to me. I see myself from outside myself and know that I will repulse people. I so want to disappear. And this place won't allow me refuge from humans. LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE! Being nice to me won't help. I need to be disengaged from other humans.