Holiday Hell?...

High Anxiety (Well It Could Have Been Worse)...

TUESDAY, JULY 5, 2011

Mood - I went to bed around 1:00 am. I didn't eat after 10:00 pm. My mood: I had a breakdown with building anxiety before leaving for the walk-in center. I also had an anxiety attack in the blood lab this afternoon.

Physical - I got up around 9:00 am. My knee is sore and hurts behind my calf. I felt dopey and tired because of all the crying, I couldn't drive myself into the walk-in center so Mom took me. My leg improved but didn't get 100% better. I became restless at night but didn't want to go to the movies with Mom and Dad, I didn't want to see Transformers 3. Mostly the thought of spending time dealing with Dad made me even more anxious.

Woke up - I woke up at 9:00 am. I looked at the WRAP book and realized I needed to add more Daily Pages to the book. I took the migraine meds and the allergy pill but had a hard time deciding whether to take them or not which lead me into a minor breakdown by being overwhelmed by some of the major issues in my life I am to afraid to tell anybody about. I also took the gummi vitamins at midnight. 

Activities - I fed the fish around 11:00 am. I woke up telling myself I needed to drive to the walk-in center. I then agonized about all the issues that I needed to tell the doctor about. In order to calm my fears I wrote them down in list form. That just made me feel worse as I realized that the doctor may get mad at me for not telling her these things in the first place. So Mom cae in and asked what I was planning. I freaked out and blubbered about all the crap that was going on in my head. She told me she was going to hang the laundry and if I wanted her to drive me there and drop me off she would since Dad f^cked up his cell again. I took her offer and went to the walk-in center. It wasn't as busy as I expected it to be. The nurse looked at it and she was really nice to me. I commented on her really beautiful blouse and skirt which I wish I could wear so brilliantly like she did today. She told me about her feet and how her husband bound up her poor toes. Anyway, she sent me next door to get my knee X-rayed and my blood drawn. Around 1:00 pm Mom came and got me. We went to Crazy Burger's and I ate a Goofy Gorgonzola Burger with the Bangkok Slaw. Mom got an Orange Mango Raspberry Smoothie while I ate. I felt nauseous once I finished at the medical center. I spent the $14.xx left on the gift certificate on the whole thing and had about a dollar left to add to the tip.

Once I came home I went on line. I found a link and the yahoo WRAP group may be starting WRAP lessons! I got a call from the walk-in center about my X-rays. I didn't have any breaks in my knee. Good thing.

Around 5:00 pm I helped Mom get another cookout going. I set the grill over the fire and put on some burgers. I had 2 hamburgers, some potato salad, some lettuce, a tomato, and blue cheese on my burgers as well as some of Mom's chinese cabbage. I then took in much of the plates and some leftovers and got in the car. I drove over to Carquest and C and I went to see Larry Crowne 7:20 pm at the Showcase. He got me a  Chunky Monkey on a waffle cone. It was a feel good movie even though I hate Julia Roberts it was innocuous. We came back to Carquest and i got in my car, went to the Post Office and received the Netflix movie the King and I and went home.

WRAP - I think I wrote Sunday, Monday and today's blog. I wrote today's Daily Page.

Plans for Tomorrow I plan on getting up. I plan on accomplishing an activity for the WRAP book. I'll work on decorating the piñata. And call Donna about the 19th and the topic.

  

{I want to change a bad habit so that I 1) Stop doing something bad 2) exchange the bad action with a positive action 3) and get a result that will help me in my life.}

A reminder: K and I are planning on doing Indian this coming weekend. July 11th, 12th and 13th Jane is planning on coming to the Dutch Inn with her boys. On the 19th is the RIBSG at Warwick Public Library room 100, 6:30 pm. Mom will be going to NY the weekend of C's birthday, the 15th and the 14th August. E is planning on going with her so I need to plan for at least 2 days worth of menus. I need to papier-mâché the piñata's trap door closed and decorate it the July birthday party cookout. I can't find the little gifts from the last piñata. I also need to wrap E's, L's and SM's gifts (when SM's gift comes.) ALSO CALL JONNYCAKE CENTER FOR FOOD BASKETS OR EXTRA FOOD. AND MAIL THE ENVELOPE TO HUMAN SERVICES. Sept. 19 through October 1st I will be in Philadelphia. There's a conference Sept 18 through the 21st. in Philadelphia too. 

Things that gave me joy today and things that made me feel better about myself:

Joy: I got over being anxious (mostly).

Made me feel better about myself: I actually went to the walk-in center even though I couldn't do it on my own. 

Some Other Links That May Help:

http://store.samhsa.gov/shin/content//SMA-3720/SMA-3720.pdf

Action Planning for Prevention and Recovery 

a WRAP type pdf booklet that gives you instructions and examples on how to do a WRAP...

No Fireworks For Me...

MONDAY, JULY 4, 2011

Mood - I went to bed around 1:00 am. I went to bed around 1:00 am. I ate those chips I bought at BJs the sweet potato ones. My mood: busy until 5:00 pm then my knee hurt and physically I started getting tired. I raised my legs when I lay down on the daybed.

Physical - I got up around 10:30 am. My knee is sore and hurts in the back of my knee and upper calf but not like yesterday night although my calf is very sore. I felt tired today. My leg improved until 6:00 pm when I lay down on the daybed. 

Woke up - I woke up a10:30 am. I got a call from Sui May about going to see the chicks at South County Museum but was too groggy to really make any promises. I put the migraine meds and the allergy pill in my purse and forgot them. I didn't take the gummi vitamins. I ate nothing until after we started the cookout.

Activities - I can't remember feeding the fish. I got up and helped outside with the cookout set up. Mom and I made Dad lunch. Mom caught Paul and put him in my room with his poop box and some water and food. SM, J, M and L came. I told C to start the fire while they and Mom went down to the cove to swim. Once they came back we cooked the meat because it was 1:20 pm. I set up a plate for dad inside with his condiments and a salad. I ate one hamburger, some salmon, some potato salad, SM's tortelloni salad 2 times, and some chips with about 4 diet pepsis during the afternoon. The girls played in the pool Mom got them last year while everyone else relaxed. Mom brought out the cake and served it. Around 5:00 pm they took a walk to Galilee. SM wanted to buy some lobsters but came back with rock crabs instead. I cleared most of the cookout and put food away. I also cleaned many plates and containers and cleared up the coolers. Once J and company had left for home I let out Paul from my room. My knee hurt and was swollen again so I propped it up on some pillows on the daybed. The ice didn't do much but my knee didn't feel so bad after I raised them up. Mom went over to Erika's to watch the fireworks. I thought K went with her but she said he left in his own car and she didn't see him. Mom had asked me to turn on a fireworks special for Dad with the music from the Boston Pops so when 10:00 pm came I switched it on and watched a few moments with some bubble headed pop star doing her version of a patriotic song then left for the daybed again. I went to bed around midnight.

WRAP - I wrote yesterday and today's Daily Page. 

Plans for Tomorrow I plan on getting up. I plan on going to the walk-in center to get my knee looked at. I'll also work on the piñata adding papier-mâché to the trap door and then decorating it.

  

{I want to change a bad habit so that I 1) Stop doing something bad 2) exchange the bad action with a positive action 3) and get a result that will help me in my life.}

A reminder: K and I are planning on doing Indian this coming weekend. July 11th, 12th and 13th Jane is planning on coming to the Dutch Inn with her boys. Mom will be going to NY the weekend of C's birthday, the 15th and the 14th. E is planning on going with her so I need to plan for at least 2 days worth of menus. I need to papier-mâché the piñata's trap door closed and decorate it the July birthday party cookout. I can't find the little gifts from the last piñata. I also need to wrap E's, L's and SM's gifts (when SM's gift comes.) ALSO CALL JONNYCAKE CENTER FOR FOOD BASKETS OR EXTRA FOOD. AND MAIL THE ENVELOPE TO HUMAN SERVICES. Sept. 19 through October 1st I will be in Philadelphia. There's a conference Sept 18 through the 21st. in Philadelphia too. 

Things that gave me joy today and things that made me feel better about myself:

Joy: I saw SM and J and the girls.

Made me feel better about myself: I was able to do more than I thought I could at the cookout.

BJ's And Breakfast (It's Not What You Think You Dirty Puppet)...

SUNDAY, JULY 3, 2011

Mood - I went to bed around Midnight last night. I ate most of a huge bag of sweet potato chips tonight but last night I passed out. My mood: going to the Nook the Staties stopped K. He freaked out and I listened to him and drove the car to BJ's from the Nook afterwards. I got a massive migraine and missed Kat's fireworks party but K went. I didn't get to bed tonight until about 3:00 am.

Physical - I got up around 10:30 am but slowly. My knee really is sore and behind my calf is very sore. I felt dopey and stayed in bed until 11:00 am. My leg improved but didn't get 100% better. I sat up most of tonight.

Woke up - I woke up around 5:00 am but went back to bed and to sleep after visiting the bathroom. I lay in bed thinking K would get me for BJ's. I took the migraine meds and the allergy pill. I didn't take the gummi vitamins.

Activities - I think I fed the fish around 11:00 am before K and I left. We drove to Shell in Narragansett to0 fill his car up. We continued on Route 1A and I took K past the N.K. High School so we could stop by Brett's Place but he wasn't there. We continued on to Post Road past the State Barracks where a Statey was watching the flow of traffic. He pulled us over into the YMCA parking lot. He said K had a right brake light out and ticketed him. K freaked and yelled after the Statey left about 5 day tags. So we pulled into the Breakfast Nook I near the Stop and Shop Plaza and both had the Scrambler's Breakfast Sandwich. Since K asked I drove his car to BJ's. I bought some toilet paper, diet pepsi, sour cream, chips, cheese, frozen fruit and granola bars spending about $50 in FS and $20 in cash. k drove back and we stopped by Stop and Shop in North kingstown at the old Fiddlesticks field. I picked up some candy: taffy, marshmallow sticks and wax bottles. We went home with K driving. I went online but around 5:00 pm fell asleep after icing my head and laying down with a migraine. 

About 8:00 pm I got up ate some chicken cacciatore from dinner that was left over and set up the 4th of July cookout things like utensils, condiments, trays, plates and other stuff so Monday would be easier. I also made potato salad and after Mom went to bed set up dad's meds and both of their breakfast places she'd forgotten to do. She had had a long day anyway. I ate almost the whole bag of potato chips I bought today and it made me feel so sick!

WRAP - Nothing. 

Plans for Tomorrow I plan on getting up. I plan on dong the cookout with Mom and seeing the girls and J and SM at the South County Museum to hold the chicks.

  

{I want to change a bad habit so that I 1) Stop doing something bad 2) exchange the bad action with a positive action 3) and get a result that will help me in my life.}

A reminder: K and I are planning on doing Indian next weekend. July 4th, Erika, Peter, Selena and their girls are NOT coming but James, Sui May and their girls are. I hope to see if they want to go to the South County museum to see the chicks. July 11th, 12th and 13th Jane is planning on coming to the Dutch Inn with her boys. Mom will be going to NY the weekend of C's birthday, the 15th and the 14th. E is planning on going with her so I need to plan for at least 2 days worth of menus. I need to finish the piñata for the July Birthdays' cookout. I have the little gifts from the last pinata, I just need candy. I also need to wrap E's gift and buy SM a telephone. ALSO CALL JONNYCAKE CENTER FOR FOOD BASKETS OR EXTRA FOOD. AND MAIL THE ENVELOPE TO HUMAN SERVICES. Sept. 19 through October 1st I will be in Philadelphia. There's a conference Sept 18 through the 21st. in Philadelphia too. 

Things that gave me joy today and things that made me feel better about myself:

Joy: I got out of the house.

Made me feel better about myself: I was able to survive K getting upset and talking about the Statie.