Is It Getting Worse...

FRIDAY, JULY 29, 2011

Mood - I got up late 12:30 pm. I took the meds. when I got up. I felt puffy and droopy, dopey and uncomfortably warm. When I I woke up a bit after the meds. I was active today less than yesterday. I felt okay during the day but am tired after Dad's taking off.

Physical - I woke up at 12:30 pm. My knee is only a little sore compared to last week. The front of my knee is weak. I'm still limping when I go to the bathroom in the morning but not as bad as last week and even less than the week before. I feel tired and weary but the mood is okay. My left top eyelid didn't twitch today. I did not as much activity today than yesterday but I went out twice for laundry and going shopping.

Woke up -  I got up at about 10:30 am to go to the bathroom and truly got up at 12:30 pm. I took the excedrin and allergy meds but not the Aleve immediately. I took the gummi vitamins around noon time. I should have taken the meds when I got up at 10:30 am because I think I slept through a small migraine.

Activities -I went to bed around 5:00 am. I didn't close the curtains but fell asleep. I got up at 12:30 pm. I got up on my own. It was a hot day, not as bad as in Providence or Wakefield I heard. Once I got up I told Mom that I would go to the laundomat with her if she waited for me to get dressed and then eat a sandwich. I made tuna salad on whole wheat with lettuce and drank a diet mountain dew which I had taken my pills with earlier. We folded the already washed and dried laundry into a bag but left two quilts in a drier to finish drying. We took a walk down to the end of Knowlesway toward the salt pond. 

My leg was sore from walking. We turned back after sitting at the little table at the top of the trail down to the rocky beach. We folded the two quilts, but them in the car and came home.  I fed the fish after we got home. We hung the laundry that Mom had washed last night out on the line. Mom and I planned on taking the newly washed linens to the storage area. I had already packed my feather comforter in an extra large zip lock storage bag to go.  

E called to say that she and J were planning on stopping by to give Dad his new phone. Mom and I decided to delay our trip to the storage area until after they had come. I finished reading "Raven Stole the Moon" while waiting for them to arrive. E takes about an hour to 5 hours longer than she tells you she'll meet you. Especially if she's planning on just dropping by. C had texted me that he had a 1 3/4 lb. lobster for us if we just came by and picked it up. I called E and asked E to pick it up on her way over.

When they did come by J had gifts for everyone. Mom got a bottle of wine made in a factory next to J's apartment in France. Dad got a box of cookies. I got a rock from France and 4 Lindt chocolate bars. It was really good to see J. I invited E and J up to see the piñata I made after asking E if she wanted it deployed on Sunday, the family birthday. While they came up and admired it Dad decided to waddle his ass up. I wanted to punch E in the head for inviting him in my room. She hasn't lived here in so many years. She didn't notice him casing my room looking for things that attracted his hoarding heart. I wanted to scream "GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY ROOM YOU FUCKTARD!" but just consoled myself with angrily telling myself not to EVER FUCKING INVITE ANYONE INTO MY ROOM AGAIN. People are stupid when they haven't lived with a stealing fuck in their living area. And E, although with good intentions acts like dad is a harmless sweetheart. He's not, he's just as obnoxious as he was when he was not demented. And he still tries to be sneaky. he's just much more obvious now that he's brain damaged.

Finally they left and I went online. Mom cooked pollock, zucchini, and the lobster. She made a green salad. She called me down and I finished setting our places. I added utensils and newspaper under our dishes for the lobster picking. We sat and ate. 

Mom went to doing coupons, she'd decided to go shopping tonight since this is the weekend of the Blessing of the Fleet. I went upstairs and continued my online dalliances. Mom came upstairs a little while later to tell me that K called to tell her that he picked up Dad walking up the Escape Road. Dad told K that he was going to go to a movie. So K decided to take him to one. This isn't a good sign 2 times in one week Dad takes off. Sometimes I wish he'd just fucking walk to hell and never come back. 

Mom finished with the coupons and the list and I "volunteered" to go shopping with her. Actually I asked her if I should stay home to wait in case something weirder happened and she took it as me wanting to go with her. I didn't really but figured getting off my ass and doing some kind of activity was a good idea. We went to Shaw's and Belmont's grocery stores. We were going to stop for an ice cream at Beaches and Cream but it was waaaay too busy. 

We came home, unloaded the car of groceries, unpacked the groceries into the fridge and ate some of the ice cream we got from Belmont's. Mom had bought a grill from Shaw's for half price that was a pretty good bargain and I had placed it in the shed. I unloaded the dishwasher and cleaned out the cooler that C left filled with last week's revelries. I came upstairs as Dad got home. Mom screamed at him for something, I don't know I don't hear anymore. I watched The Baader Meinhof Complex. 

I am finishing up the piñata by hanging false trap door pulls.  I ate two hot dogs after I watched the movie because I was down stairs taking a leak while Mom was upstairs getting ready for bed.

WRAP - I wrote today's blog. 

Plans for Tomorrow I plan on getting up. I plan on doing an activity for WRAP. I have to finish decorating the piñata if it's not done tonight. I plan on filling out the Genetic Alliance Online Questionnaire. I need to wrap the gifts for Saturday and Sunday.

  

{I want to change a bad habit so that I 1) Stop doing something bad 2) exchange the bad action with a positive action 3) and get a result that will help me in my life.}

A reminder: I need to plan a weekend worth of menus for Dad while Mom, E and J are away in August. J is coming on the 28th of July for a few weeks. We are also planning a family party to coincide with J's stay in RI Mom wants it to be this next Sunday. Mom will be going to NY the weekend of C's birthday, the 15th and the 14th August. E and J are planning on going with her so I need to plan for at least 2 days worth of menus. August 17th Mom is having the cataract surgery. August 18th to the 27th R is taking his vacation so I can't help C out  with work Thursday through Saturday. I need to make sure I schedule nothing for 3 days. Mom as well as Dad will need my help then. I need to glue tissue paper on the piñata and decorate it the July birthday party cookout. I can't find the little gifts from the last piñata. I also need to wrap E's and Lil's gifts. I also need to buy Lia a gift since we are planning to combine the August and July birthdays in one celebration while Jerome is here.  ALSO CALL JONNYCAKE CENTER FOR FOOD BASKETS OR EXTRA FOOD. AND MAIL THE ENVELOPE TO HUMAN SERVICES. Sept. 19 through October 1st I will be in Philadelphia. I need to plan a menu for the Piepszacs before I leave for that weekend. 

Things that gave me joy today and things that made me feel better about myself:

Joy: I wrote a review of the book I read on the author's website.

Made me feel better about myself: I started finishing the piñata. 

Thoughts:

The reality that annoys me about disabled people is that when someone who is obviously so disabled that it can't be ignored or reasoned away like in my Father's case, the people closest to him or the people that spend the most time with him act like if they just treat him really really special and better than he deserves that they too will get this treatment if it happens to them. It's a bogus belief. A false premise. People who are really disabled and have lived with it their whole lives know that this type of "taking care of" is bullshit. It's babying. The pampering is unrealistic and patronizing. Anyone with half a brain would never want to be treated this way. Anyone who knows mentally challenged people know that treating them this way leads to many major problems in the spoiled individual's life. Any one that can't cope with basic life challenges is at the mercy of their caregiver. And that care giver may not be very caring. Mostly the worse off the dependent is and the least amount of support the caregiver has the less time the caregiver has to give themselves care. Over time (and it doesn't take long especially when the dependent is declining fast,) the caregiver can give less and less positive attention to the dependent. And the caregiver becomes more burned out and their anger rears easily and fast. This is because the caregiver's time is being eaten up by a burden. There is no extra time. And the less a caregiver knows to treat this dependent like any other human being and not like a baby, the faster the caregiver will burn out.