Mood - Low. Tired. Emotional. Migraine. Suicidal.
Physical - Stuffiness, stuffed itchy throat, puffy feeling eyes, and tired, took an allergy pill at 1:00 am. No migraine in "morning" developed one at 5:50 pm. took Excedrin Migraine at 6:00 pm.
Woke up - 01:00 pm not okay dreams were of past people and forgiveness and getting along. I woke up to having to get Dad's present wrapped and getting him a card. I went to sleep around 6:00 am last "night". I had nothing to eat after Olive Garden's braised ribs w/portobello etc. I went online around 9:00 pm to 5:30 am. I drank maybe 4 - 5 Diet Pepsis (equivalents, since I had 2 of those huge glasses of diet coke at O.G.). Had a hard time sleeping, I just looked at pictures online and couldn't sleep. Again going to try to go to bed before 4 am.
Activities - Mom and I worked in the yard for a few hours about 2:30 pm to 4:30 pm. I mowed the lawn and under the picnic table. Mom and I went for a walk about 1:30 pm to Galilee.
It was sunny today and warm. Mom and I went to the church for Women's Day Fashion Show. We had dinner there and then came home.
I went to Kevin's room to talk to him about helping me rototill the garden. He wouldn't look at me and just grunted when I ask him questions. I told him that I was serious about him checking in with me and Mom every two or three days. I told him I'd do whatever it took for him to keep communicating with us even leave him alone which is all he seems to want now. I told him I'd need help when Mom left for North Carolina when he asked me if the rototilling was all I wanted to talk to him about. Cop a fucking attitude with me. I became angry but tried to control my anger and told him he really needed some help. I'm not kidding about him being mentally ill.
It's not a fucking joke. I know I'm not doing well. And I can see that I am not easy to deal with. I feel that if he's not mentally ill then he can communicate with me on the terms I'm taking about. I get so angry even looking at him now-a-days that I want to punch him in the head. He seems to intentionally act like an asshole. I'm so fucking sick of his shit. I just want to get fucking things done around here. I don't care if he fucks goats for money or if he wants to sit in his room all the time he's not working. The fact that there is shit to be done around here seems to escape him. Yeah, Caryl could be doing more. Kevin seems to want to escape all the time and it gets old fast. Yeah, life sucks. Yeah, he works. Well he also lives here and his habit of now entering his room through his window is showing me how fucking out of his mind and immature he is. Enough, I can't talk of it anymore!
I am so fucking angry fuck Mother's Day fuck life fuck your mind fuck your fathers fuck god fuck this world everything's fucked anyway. I hate ALL of you.
Seriously thinking of burning some incense just to get the anger gone. FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU!!! Maybe a dose of Adivan will do it.
A reminder: Sunday 22nd, Mom leaves for North Carolina until Friday 27th. Review menu for Dad. Review appointments and come up with a realistic activity (at least one,) you both can do together that you can enjoy together. Post the menu.
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