SUNDAY, JUNE 19, 2011
Mood - I didn't go to bed until 10:00 am this morning. I was frantically looking for lodging online for September in Philly.
Physical - I didn't go to bed but took 2 excedrin migraine pills around 3:00 pm and lay down with ice on my neck and forehead. I felt awake all night but not hypo-manic. It's been very cool at night. The day was very warm.
Woke up - I didn't sleep all night. I slept between 10:00 am and 3:00 pm. I don't know what to hope for tomorrow except that I get too bed before 3:00 am.
Activities - I stayed online all night looking for lodging in Philadelphia. I got little done. Around 7:00 am Dad bothered everyone about that new f*in' television. He's not used to turning it on and off so he wanted someone to turn it on for him. I told him I didn't know how to do it since he's done that before and I flubbed and f*ed it up. I gave Dad his Father's Day present and card after I wrapped and wrote them this morning. I made myself a bagel with melted cheese. I then turned on Dad's new television correctly so he could watch it and showed Mom that I used the television remote to turn on the television. Then I used the Verison remote to turn the cable box on, turned the channel to 3 and the television came on correctly. I made Mom an omelet then went upstairs and continued online until I decided that that was enough. I shut out all the windows and turned of the computer around 9:30 am. I lay down to take a nap and passed out.
About 3:00 pm I got up with a migraine. The weather was warm and it was very sunny outside. I took the excedrin. I went downstairs and got two cold packs and put them on the back of my neck and forehead after shutting the curtains, put on some sunglasses and rested. C asked me by text if I wanted to see a movie. I figured that it would be good to get out. Mom and Dad were going to S's house for a Father's Day dinner and were suppose to leave around 4:00 pm. Mom asked me to get Paul in before they left. I tried calling him but he seemed to be nowhere about. So C and I went to Warwick to the Showcase. The roads were crowded with sunday drivers. Everyone going under the speed limit and acting more stupid than the weekdays. Typical RI on a Sunday and very frustrating. We were able to catch the previews before seeing the movie so the back roads were a good driving decision.
We saw The Green Lantern, a DC Comic movie. it was better than I expected and I had a small epiphany while watching it. I wrote in my sketch book: "Over come fear with courage my internal struggles have..." (Garbled and written together,) "...been with fear and courage." "Do not discard the mundane it may hold a key that you need for energy by enlightenment."
Although the move was alright I am glad I went and watched it with C. It got me out of the house, I spent time with C (who wished me a Happy Fathers Day ~that struck me to the core but I said nothing to him about it. I didn't want to ruin the moment although it may have only been a moment for me.~) and I had an insight about a struggle in my life that helped me to feel a little less like a shmuck and more like a person who deserved to be respected by them self if no one else.
We went to wendy's afterwards and I got my usual: Double burger, no cheese, no mayo, large sized and a Diet Coke. C payed for my ticket and meal. Every time he does that it breaks my heart. All the things I wish I gave him, all the times I let us down as a family. If it was guaranteed that my sons would succeed and be happy (in whatever way they wanted to be happy healthily,) and I only had to sacrifice my life for that wish I would not hesitate to give it for them. The only present that I know I can give them is the promise that I won't commit suicide because I know that it would hurt them deeply. I hate being alive so much I fantasize about finishing all my living business so that I can just finish off living in one day.
We came home and K helped me try to find P that little crud. He wouldn't come home until Mom and Dad returned. K and I took a walk around Li'l Comfort in the hopes P would join us and come home. We then took a ride to Brewed Awakenings and I got K a coffee. I wasn't thirsty. We drove to the Wall sat and talked but the talk is all the same. Being stuck in each of our respective lifestyles that we chose recently. Dealing with a person who is suppose to be calling the shots but is in denial much of the time about how events are panning out and how to deal with the other people in the group. Frustration, I get angry and I'm tired of it. I told K that next time we get together that I want to do something fun with him. maybe go to Spices n' Things and get some ingredients for an Indian dish and make it with him. Just him and I. So I aim to make a plan for fun for us. Something cheap with a definite beginning and a definite end and a result we can end up enjoying together.
We came home and I got on line after eating about 4 "raw" hot dogs and drinking a diet Pepsi with lemon. Looked at facebook and posted a comment on a video I wasn't very fond of that was posted on: Children of Parents with Mental Illness's facebook wall.
WRAP - Wrote the blog for today.
Plans for Tomorrow I plan on getting up. I plan on accomplishing an activity for the WRAP book.
{I want to change a bad habit so that I 1) Stop doing something bad 2) exchange the bad action with a positive action 3) and get a result that will help me in my life.}
A reminder: A reminder: This coming Tuesday the 21st: RIBS Group is planning on meeting at 6:00 pm in the Warwick Library Room 100. I am suppose to co-chair it with Donna. CALL DONNA. On facebook HR and I decided to go to a Lovecraftian movie at Rochambeau Library around the 27th of June at 6:00 pm. Mom will be going to NY the weekend of C's birthday, the 15th and the 14th. Erika is planning on going with her so I need to plan for at least 2 days worth of menus. ALSO PLAN A PINATA FOR LILY & FOURTH OF JULY!!! You have the little gifts from the last pinata, you just need candy. ALSO CALL JONNYCAKE CENTER FOR FOOD BASKETS OR EXTRA FOOD.
Some Other Links That May Help:
http://pic.tv/realamericanfamily/video/episode-4-mental-illness/
Bipolar Bear says: June 20, 2011 at 5:10 am
Wow, I found that really offensive. I’m glad that I read the blurb below it. The writers tried way too hard to put way too much information into a short span of time and make it look light hearted. I felt the result trivialized mental illnesses and didn’t express successfully what I thought the message this video was suppose to be about: how to explain mental illnesses to your child and how to relate to a child with a mental illness.
I think that what can be gleaned from this video is that mental illnesses really deserve more consideration and tact to describe the differences between them and their effects on the person with a mental illness and the people who support the person with a mental illness.
After reading the comments below the video many people who commented seemed to think it was an effective way of getting across mental illness to people who could not and can not seem to talk about it. My comment here isn’t meant to denigrate the writer or the actors or even the message of the video.
I spoke in front of different levels of people from elementary school to college about my mental illness as a representative of NAMI (national Alliance for the Mentally Ill,) in the early 2000′s for a program called IMI (Inside Mental Illness.) I felt the program was very successful because people in the classrooms had a chance to come up after the presentation to ask questions and share their own experiences. Many people thanked my partner and I (it was presented by two people who had mental illnesses for balance and effectiveness,) afterwards and shared stories of family members or friends with us. I think this video would be mocked in many public schools because it oversimplifies the subject matter. It’s almost like many PSAs: too campy, the audience thinks you’re joking, too general and you’ve lost your audience.
I really do think it’s important to make mental illnesses safe topics to talk about so I admire your willingness to approach a stigmatized and complex topic and include it as an episode in your film series “Real American Family”. A big plus is that it was posted today on the wall of a facebook group called Children of Parents with Mental Illness. How ever people felt about it creating a discussion about difficult topics is always good, I think.
I think that what can be gleaned from this video is that mental illnesses really deserve more consideration and tact to describe the differences between them and their effects on the person with a mental illness and the people who support the person with a mental illness.
After reading the comments below the video many people who commented seemed to think it was an effective way of getting across mental illness to people who could not and can not seem to talk about it. My comment here isn’t meant to denigrate the writer or the actors or even the message of the video.
I spoke in front of different levels of people from elementary school to college about my mental illness as a representative of NAMI (national Alliance for the Mentally Ill,) in the early 2000′s for a program called IMI (Inside Mental Illness.) I felt the program was very successful because people in the classrooms had a chance to come up after the presentation to ask questions and share their own experiences. Many people thanked my partner and I (it was presented by two people who had mental illnesses for balance and effectiveness,) afterwards and shared stories of family members or friends with us. I think this video would be mocked in many public schools because it oversimplifies the subject matter. It’s almost like many PSAs: too campy, the audience thinks you’re joking, too general and you’ve lost your audience.
I really do think it’s important to make mental illnesses safe topics to talk about so I admire your willingness to approach a stigmatized and complex topic and include it as an episode in your film series “Real American Family”. A big plus is that it was posted today on the wall of a facebook group called Children of Parents with Mental Illness. How ever people felt about it creating a discussion about difficult topics is always good, I think.
Things that gave me joy today and things that made me feel better about myself:
Joy: C "Happy Fathers Day".
Made me feel better about myself: I expressed that i wanted to have fun with K next time instead of just rehashing the frustration and anger about our seemingly unresolved situations.
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