Massive Emotional Drain...

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 29, 2011

Mood - I went to bed around 2:00 am. I went to sleep around 4:30 am but was woken up by a vicious thunder storm and ran around closing the windows in the house. And then I ate at 5:00 am... My mood was blah. 

Physical - I took both migraine excedrin and allergy meds when I got up around  12:00 pm again I think. I felt really groggy today. I had a small headache. Mostly I felt very dopey all day. 

Woke up - I woke up around 12:00 pm. I lay in bed, groggy. I took the migraine meds and the allergy pill. I also took the gummi vitamins. I don't think I ate breakfast this "morning".

Activities - I fed the fish. I can't remember what I did between feeding the fish and editing the J document and the Household Problem's document. I printed out 3 copies of the "J" document for tonight and Kabuki's. Since Mom's old Mac doesn't seem to like Text Edit, I spent much time trying to edit the household document again and again while having the program freeze while doing it. Mom asked if I wanted to go for a walk around 3:15 pm. Initially I said that I was too busy fighting with the household document but changed my mind when I felt my ass was creaky and my back was crunched over. Mom and I started out soon after I got some shades on. Mr. P decided to follow us but mewed so plaintively that I finally picked him up just before we actually got on the island and took him home. He was panting but following us so I put him inside and we headed back for the walk. A guy on a bicycle joked that the cat was gone. I laughed and told him we took him home. 

When I got back I took the 9 pages along with a screwy copy of household problems upstairs to my computer. I edited the household document enough so I could print it out for the household journal. I haven't gotten around to printing it yet. Beginning with my face I washed with a cloth then braided my hair. I changed my clothes and answered C's questions about Dad. K was suppose to take him out to eat but C text me that he would be doing it tonight. 

Finally at 6:10 pm Mom and I left for Kabuki. J was already waiting there so we said our "hi"s and went in. We talked a little small talk and caught up on a few things then ordered drinks. We decided on a Basil Calamari appetizer. We ordered our meals and talked a little more of light stuff. After J finished her salad I gave her the 3 pages I copied and directed her attention to "the situation as far as we know it" figuring that it would be better for her to read that before even looking at the variety of questions Mom and I came up with yesterday. 17 questions to be exact. It went well but I feel I still need some time to process what she told us. I want to rehash it with Mom and a notepad also. J was straight to the point, very easily understood about where we stand, and gave her opinion on what she thought of what was happening. It was INCREDIBLY COMFORTING talking to her. Once we were finished (I had the Mango Chicken with brown rice and a salad,) we headed out. We said our goodbyes in the parking lot. J imparted that she was probably going to be at the 4th of July Cookout. In general I was feeling emotionally drained after the meeting. Mom and I treated J for her patience and time.

Mom drove to The Wall. We walked until the middle then Mom needed to go tot the bathroom. We headed back and just talked. We also glanced at the seaweed on the rock beach next to the Coast Guard House Restaurant. Mom wants some collected to put on the plants. We agreed that looking for it the next time we observed the ospreys we'd try Scarbourough Beach. 

I came home and went online. I was still editing the household problems document when K asked where Mr.P was. I sat him down to tell him that Grandam and I spoke to J. He asked if we could go for coffee. I said that it was 10:38 pm would anything be open? We headed out shortly for the Dunkin' D's on Tower Hill Road. I got him a large iced and we drove back on Ocean Road and talked.

I went back online and collected some good WRAP forms from the Yahoo WRAP group "Mental Health Recovery". The list is in the link list below on this blog entry. 

WRAP - Wrote the blog for today and yesterday. I wrote today's Daily Page. I still want to take the activity from Monday and write it down in the Workbook or maybe make it into a document and print it out for the book and complete it. I have 2 articles with URLs that are interesting today. I also have a list of 7 PDF files that I have saved to the blog folder in my My Book. I am so tired.

Plans for Tomorrow I plan on getting up. I plan on accomplishing an activity for the WRAP book. Tomorrow is JT's memorial that I won't be attending. I am planning on making Dad's lunch and leaving it in the refrigerator for him in case Mom can't take him to the lunch afterwards. I plan on going out, getting myself something to eat and maybe seeing a movie if I can't come up with something better to do. I want to be busy and not thinking. SM wants a cordless phone with 3 extra phones for her birthday next month.

  

{I want to change a bad habit so that I 1) Stop doing something bad 2) exchange the bad action with a positive action 3) and get a result that will help me in my life.}

A reminder: K and I are planning on making Aloo Gobi on Sunday after going to Spices and Things in Pawtucket (I'll also make a curry or something else for the potluck later) or a new place near the Massachusetts border: Spiceland. Kat is planning on a potluck at her house on Sunday July 2nd. July 4th, Erika, Peter, Selena and their girls are NOT coming but James, Sui May and their girls are. I hope to see if they want to go to the South County museum to see the chicks. July 11th, 12th and 13th Jane is planning on coming to the Dutch Inn with her boys. Mom will be going to NY the weekend of C's birthday, the 15th and the 14th. E is planning on going with her so I need to plan for at least 2 days worth of menus. I need to papier-mâché the piñata the fourth of July cookout. I have the little gifts from the last pinata, I just need candy. I also need to wrap E's gift and buy SM a telephone. ALSO CALL JONNYCAKE CENTER FOR FOOD BASKETS OR EXTRA FOOD. AND MAIL THE ENVELOPE TO HUMAN SERVICES.

Things that gave me joy today and things that made me feel better about myself:

Joy: I held Mr. P and stroked his soft and silky fur.

Made me feel better about myself: I didn't make a total ass out of myself when we met J at Kabuki's today. I did the daily Pages and the 2 blogs even though it's now close to 5:00 am.

Some Other Links That May Help:

http://www.care2.com/greenliving/being-in-the-dharma.html

Adapted from The Book of Secrets, by Deepak Chopra (Three Rivers Press, 2004).

If you look carefully at the critical turning points in your life, you’ll see how closely you were paying attention to your spiritual evolution:

• You were ready to move forward. The experience of your old reality was worn out and ready for change.
• You were ready to pay attention. When the opportunity arrived, you noticed it and took the necessary leap.
• The environment supported you. When you moved forward, events fell into place to ensure that you didn’t backslide.
• You felt more expanded and free in your new place.
• You saw yourself as in some way a new person.

This set of circumstances, both inner and outer, is what Dharma provides. Which is to say that when you feel ready to move forward, reality shifts to show you how. And when you aren’t ready to move forward? Then there is the backup system which moves you forward by repeating those tendencies that are embedded in you from the past.
When you find yourself stuck and unable to make any progress at all, the following circumstances usually apply:

• You aren’t ready to move.
• You aren’t paying attention.
• The environment won’t support you.
• You feel threatened by the expansion you would have to make.
• You keep seeing yourself as the old person who adapted to an old situation.

Read more: http://www.care2.com/greenliving/being-in-the-dharma.html#ixzz1QjxMz6Va

http://www.behavioral.net/ME2/dirmod.asp?sid=&nm=&type=Publishing&mod=Publications%3A%3AArticle&mid=64D490AC6A7D4FE1AEB453627F1A4A32&tier=4&id=2DB8D4EC21FB462AAA9A16702310AD85

Peer-led community wellness: Dare to act now!

Link essential benefit, accountable care, medical/mental health home concepts to transform care 

By Ron Manderscheid PhD, Executive Director, NACBHDD

Together with the noisiness of the Greatest Recession, governmental deficits, and National Health Reform, a quiet and little-noticed revolution is taking place in our notions about the role of one’s community in health and well-being. Here, I hope to chronicle these important developments and to draw out some of their key implications. These inaudible steps can be expected to have very loud and transformative consequences.

For longer than a century, sociologists have examined the role that one’s community plays in child development, self-concept, sociality, social networks, marriage, sense of well-being, criminal behavior, and even health. As an example of the latter, Emile Durkheim studied the key role of anomie—the absence of community—in the genesis of suicide. Now, after an equally long period in which we have almost completely divorced clinical care from the community, we are rediscovering some of these important linkages.

Let me contrast two very different types of communities. For illustrative purposes, I will overdraw the differences.

Community 1 is resourceful in what it offers both financially and interpersonally to its members. People who live there know that they and their family are supported by others in the community, and that the community provides personal, social, economic, and cultural opportunities for them. They have a positive sense of well-being and good quality of life. Health of community members is at least good, and lifespan is at least moderately long.

Community 2, by contrast, is impoverished in what it is able to offer its members. People who live there are likely to feel isolated from others, and to perceive that the community offers little if any opportunities for them. Rather, the environment is more likely to be perceived as threatening. Families with children are likely to be very concerned about their children’s future. In this environment, one is not likely to have a good sense of well-being, and is not likely to perceive that the quality of life is very good. Healthy of community members is usually poor, and lifespan is relatively short.

This contrast has motivated modern work by Michael Marmot and David Satcher. They have examined the role that social and physical determinants of health play in promoting positive health status and well-being. Related work is being done by the CDC on health-related quality of life and well-being. Similarly, the national Healthy People 2020 project has supported the inclusion of indicators that reflect health promotion and disease prevention, and the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation, in conjunction with CDC, has developed a set of county health indicators. Underlying all of this work is the usually-unstated assumption that one’s community plays a very large role in one’s health and well-being.

What are some of the major implications for us?

Focus on Person within Community

Personally, I think that most of us, if given a choice, would choose to live in Community 1. However, many persons with mental illness and substance use conditions are forced to live in Community 2. For these people, modern work shows that this latter community context plays a role in exacerbating illness, in downward social mobility, and even in premature death.  Hence, as we go forward with National Health Reform, we will need to focus not only on the whole person, but also on the person’s real community context.

Foster Improved Community Life

Following Michael Marmot and David Satcher, we will need to foster communities that promote a strong sense of well-being and a good quality of life. In this quest, the tools of public health will be needed to prevent disease and to promote positive health, and the tools developed by peers will be needed to reduce social isolation, instill hope, and promote recovery for those with mental and substance use conditions. I am reminded of Carl Bell’s oft stated assertion that disease prevention is an essential tool to eliminate community health disparities. 

Develop Structures that Sustain the Effort

Our work will have little effect if it cannot be sustained. Therefore, we will need to link our community building efforts to the emerging tools of National Health Reform, as well as to the tools and trends now emerging in our fields. These include components such as the essential health benefit, the medical/health (and community) home, the accountable care organization, peer tools, such as navigation and supports to promote recovery, and clear peer and community leadership. A skeletal prototype that combines these elements emerged from the recent ACMHA Summit in New Orleans: a peer-led accountable community wellness organization. An urgent need exists to develop this concept at the operational level.

Dare to Act

As the fields designed to promote change and transformation, it should not take a great leap to broaden our efforts to encompass the community. More likely, it may be more difficult to muster the courage necessary. To this I ask, if not us, then who?

More than three decades ago, I and several colleagues developed the concept of a community-based health promotion organization. For the entire intervening period, the concept has remained dormant. My fervent hope is that we may now actually be on the cusp of an era in which we have the tools and the will to make it real. 

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/mental-health-recovery/files/WRAP%20Blank%20Forms/

wellness tools form pdf

Common Early Warning Signs pdf

Early Warning Signs Questionnaire pdf

WRAP Relapse Prevention Plan pdf

WRAP Mini Plan pdf

My WRAP Plan from University of Kansas pdf

Blank WRAP Plan Forms pdf

all downloaded to my BLOG folder on My Book form the Yahoo group: Mental Health Recovery

Also the document I cut and pasted "local" (read Massachusetts,) info about WRAP and recovery/peer to peer help including this event:

The Southeastern Massachusetts 

Recovery Learning Community 

5th Annual 

“RECOVERY IS REAL” 

Join us for a day of celebrating Recovery! It’s a day of sharing our recovery 

stories and empowering each other in our  journeys towards wellness. 

 Where: Taunton State Hospital- Ricky Silvia Gym 

 When: Thursday, August 11, 2011 

   9:00 am-2:30 pm 

   Registration begins at 8:30 am 

   Event from 9:00 am to 2:30 pm 

  

 Hear Recovery stories about working, financial, physical, and  emotional  

 wellness! 

 Define Recovery and identify tools that promote Wellness, as well as Barriers 

 that impede progress. 

 Promote Peer Support, WRAP, healthy living, and work as a tool for Recovery. 

In Cooperation with Community Counseling of Bristol County and Taunton State Hospital 

 

Confirm attendance on or before July 28th by calling Debbie at (508) 977-3417 

Refreshments and Lunch provided/ No CEU’s available 

Deaf and Hard of Hearing Interpretation provided 

BLOGrhodeislandWRAPmaybe063011.rtfd

 

TUESDAY, JUNE 28, 2011

Mood - I went to bed around 3:45 am. I didn't eat after 10:00 pm last night but I did eat the rest of the pretzels from CVS. My mood was blah. 

Physical - I took both migraine excedrin and allergy meds when I got up. I felt groggy today. I had a small head ache. Joints ached walking up the stairs like usual. 

Woke up - I woke up at 12:55 pm. I lay in bed, groggy. I took the migraine meds and the allergy pill. I also took the gummi vitamins. I went to the bathroom then went downstairs.

Activities - I helped Mom put a fan in her window and in the living room. I ate 2 bowls of Corn Flakes because my belly felt not so great. I then took all the pills and vitamins afterwards. Around 3:00 pm Mom and I sat down and made 2 lists. One list was for J and addressed the situation of the business and then questions Mom and I had for her. The other list was an update of household problems that needed to be addressed as well as checking off ones that had already been addressed. I ate the last of the Dole's frozen fruit and snagged Mr. P and took him inside for the night.

Mom made chicken thighs "asian style" with rice, a pea and onion mix and raspberry Jell-o salad. We ate outside because it was really nice while Dad settled in to his shows. We walked around Lil' Comfort to settle our stomaches. After we hurried out to go to town. First we stopped at Moo Moo's for ice cream (Peanut Butter Cup, 2 scoops on a sugar cone). Then we went to my PO Box which had nothing in it. Last we went to Benny's to pick up a hammer and some disposable paint trays and see if they had any pinwheels (no). I went online but worked on the 2 lists we talked about today. I typed the first one for J in a Word document but the other I typed into a rtf document. I plan on printing 3 copies of the J document out tomorrow for J, Mom and I when we go to Kabuki's.

I went to bed at 2 but I couldn't sleep. So I put on my iPod and listened to some music a playlist with some different artists. I read "Shakey"and finished writing today's Daily Page. I finally went to sleep at 4:00 am. About 4:30 am I dropped off to sleep and a HUGE storm pushed rain into my window. I got up and ran downstairs after closing my windows to adjust the ones downstairs, too. I ate a piece of beef from the night before and smeared a raisin bagel with peanut butter and ate that too. I went to bed tired.

WRAP - I wrote today's Daily Page. I still want to take the activity from Monday and write it down in the Workbook or maybe make it into a document and print it out for the book and complete it. Not much was done in the name of WRAP today except that I went on the Real Mental Health site and saw someone had left a comment on my journal asking what was WRAP about. I commented back then wrote a journal entry on joining and co-leading the Rhode Island Bipolar Support Group for support but starting my WRAP on April 30th. 

Plans for Tomorrow I plan on getting up. I plan on accomplishing an activity for the WRAP book. I am too busy thinking about these documents to plan for anything else for tomorrow. SM wants a cordless phone with 3 extra phones for her birthday next month.

  

{I want to change a bad habit so that I 1) Stop doing something bad 2) exchange the bad action with a positive action 3) and get a result that will help me in my life.}

A reminder: K and I are planning on making Aloo Gobi on Sunday after going to Spices and Things in Pawtucket (I'll also make a curry or something else for the potluck later). Kat is planning on a potluck at her house on Sunday July 2nd. July 11th, 12th and 13th Jane is planning on coming to the Dutch Inn with her boys. Mom will be going to NY the weekend of C's birthday, the 15th and the 14th. E is planning on going with her so I need to plan for at least 2 days worth of menus. I need to papier-mâché the piñata the fourth of July cookout. I have the little gifts from the last pinata, I just need candy. I also need to wrap E's gift and buy SM a telephone. ALSO CALL JONNYCAKE CENTER FOR FOOD BASKETS OR EXTRA FOOD. AND MAIL THE ENVELOPE TO HUMAN SERVICES.

Things that gave me joy today and things that made me feel better about myself:

Joy: Completing the 2 documents for tomorrow.

Made me feel better about myself: the walk around Lil' Comfort.