This Morning Felt Like Summer Though...

MONDAY, JUNE 6, 2011

Mood - I felt groggy when I woke up. I woke up around 9:15 am to my telephone alarm. Woke again at 09:45 am and I took both the allergy medication and the excedrin migraine. My period started Saturday night very, very light.  I felt much better and human after I took the pills and lay down for a few minutes but i was still groggy and wanted to sleep more.

Physical - I went to bed last night at 5:00 am. I had small headaches all day yesterday.  I was groggy and kind of lousy feeling all day. 

Woke up -  I woke up at 9:15 am then 9:45 am. Mom got me up because Dad was bleeding out his nose. I plan on getting up at 9:00 am tomorrow. 

Activities - I got up around 9:45 am. I went to pee only after Mom told me that Dad was bleeding out his nose. She planned on taking him to the ER but had called Dr. K. his primary doctor and the emergency answering service told her that the nurse would call her back. As she got dressed I waited with Dad to make sure he was alright and didn't pass out or anything. A few minutes after Mom was in the bathroom getting ready Dad's nose stopped bleeding. Mom called up Dr. M. and Eye, Ears, Nose and Throat doctor and got an appointment for 11:15, about an hour away. Once she was ready and Dad was changed (he bled all over his clothing,) they left for the appointment while I stayed behind. I was waiting for K. nurse to call back so I could update her as to the new appointment. I wrote about the morning in my Daily Page then went online. 

Once Mom had gotten home with Dad she told me that Dr. M. was worried about Dad's bout with Aplastic Anemia and gave him some blood tests. While he was at the appointment he winced while the nurse tried to draw his blood. She had to go into the other arm to draw blood because the job was botched. After Mom made Dad and herself lunch she asked me if I wanted to go to Lowes with her to pick up a pond liner. I made a hasty salmon sandwich with horseradish sauce and we took off for Warwick.

There were no liners there like the service person on the phone assured her that there was. We looked and asked a service person who told us since the liners really didn't sell well Lowes took them off the shelf. So we picked up a 15' faucet connector and an oscillating waterer for the garden. We looked for brussels sprouts seedlings but there were none there. I suggested that we visit J. since he usually had Monday off and we were less than a few miles away from him. I texted E. about finishing up the wallpaper in the room I started last month. 

I changed Dad's sheets just a moment ago (6:37 pm) since he'd bled on them. 

{Emotional break for my own musings: I think about him often and actively prevent myself from thinking about him too much. When I look at him a mixture of pity sadness disgust and anger wells in me mixed in different amounts depending on what he's doing or how I personally view him. Pity at how he is now an "old man", the stooped walk, the bewildered look and sometimes how he completes a task like buttoning his shirt. Sadness at the loss of being ever able to talk to him and resolve the pain of the past that he was responsible for. Disgust at the old habits that he always eccentrically had but can't repress like pissing out the front door into the hedge, shoveling huge amounts of food into his mouth without cutting it and talking, the OCD type actions of picking shit off the ground that is shiny but now useless and meaningless. Anger at the fact that he's just as selfish and egocentric as he always was with out an ounce of empathy for anyone who serves him or deals with him on a daily basis. It emotionally tires me out. The worst is the anger that comes when I look at him and see the possibility of me in him. The disability, the senselessness of my idiotic ramblings and accusations when I am imbalanced. The physical degeneration that I have gone through since Gary and I parted ways.}

I'd taken Dad's pants outside this morning when Mom and Dad left for the appointment. I dropped them into the soaking can that sits in the back lawn near the road. I scrubbed the blood stains out like Mom asked and left them in cold water to soak. So I remembered that Mom needed a connector hose when we had gone to Lowes. 

I wrote a note for J. and the girls that we had visited but couldn't find them at home. 

Mom and I stopped at S.'s Farms to see if they had any brussels sprouts seedlings, no joy but Mom bought 3 bush bean seedlings. We headed home at that point, it was close to 3:30 pm.

Dinner was pollack with a crumb topping, sweet potato chips, fruit salad and asparagus for us, corn for Dad. He said he didn't know why he couldn't eat asparagus and Mom and I both told him he had gout.

I did this blog and plan on finishing my Daily Page. Mom left for church it's the monthly meeting she has. I got in touch with T. from RIBSG. She was moving, I thought she was upset that I seemigly dismissed her when I was watching that Scrubs marathon before Mom left.

WRAP - Wrote the blog for today. I wrote today's Daily Page. I took out the PACE (Personal Assistance in Community Existence) Recovery Guide and added comments on things I didn't like about it. I answered this question: "Cast your mind back over the past week or two and try to recall some of your small accomplishments. What were some of your challenges? How did you feel afterward?" with a more detailed real life example. It was more detailed than the one I posted on that website as a comment. 

Plans for Tomorrow I plan on getting up. I plan on accomplishing an activity for the WRAP book. I plan on going to E.'s house to remove the rest of her wallpaper. Mom has an appointment with Dad tomorrow.

  

{I want to change a bad habit so that I 1) Stop doing something bad 2) exchange the bad action with a positive action 3) and get a result that will help me in my life.}

A reminder: On the 19th RIBS Group is planning on meeting at 6:00 pm in the Warwick Library Room 100. I am suppose to co-chair it with D. CALL D. Wednesday M. plans on calling me so we can go for a walk along the Wall and maybe get some lemonade. Saturday, June 11th is H. R.'s Birthday (Try to show up). Today is J. D.'s and L. P.'s birthdays!

Other Links:

http://www.thrivewithbipolardisorder.com/?p=2074

Talking About Bipolar Disorder

Activities are created by Robin Mohilner

originally on her website http://www.voicesofbipolardisorder.com 

 The link for "Talking about Bipolar Disorder"

This Activity has 3 parts


(I am deleting the questions that follow because they are not suppose to be used for anything except personal use. Follow the URL above in order to copy and paste these questions in your own workbook. I plan on asking myself these questions at some point but I do not want any of my information to be used in someone else's book for their profit unless I feel that it has helped me or I think that it is pertinent.)